Getting into a Groove

Gyeongju

Mount Top Concert at Conwolche

I didn't blog about the above two events, but they both happened BEFORE the I wrote the text below.

So, I find myself less and less often sitting down and keeping up w/ the good ol' blog. However, I am still trying to make myself write at least one time per week. I think in a way, this blog has been my security blanket for home in the U.S. And...as I feel more and more at home in SoKo, I think I am letting go of this blog a little more each day. Regardless, I'm still committing to at least one entry per week!

In any case, here's where I'm at. This next section (in part) is taken from an e-mail I wrote to a friend.

I'm still marveling over things that back home would seem completely trivial. For example, yesterday I joined a gym and worked out (in a formal setting) for the first time since I arrived. I guess the language barrier makes even the smallest/most mundane accomplishments a pretty big deal.

Also, I'm beginning to cook some Korean food. For the first month being here I ate super simply, but I am now trying to put in more effort to making good food.

I'm also training for a marathon. I'm not going to enter into any formal race, but I am going to run 26.2ish miles around the first of December. The running has really become a great source of joy and release for me, and I look forward to it all the time.

And because my mind is jumping from topic to topic at this point...

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about how I live back in the U.S., so here are some of my thoughts.

1. Why don't I carry my camera w/ me when I'm back home? Doesn't a camera "legitimize" a place as being particularly noteworthy? And what's to say that Denver is not?

2. Why don't I have a travel guide for Denver? I'm coming to realize that there is TONS of stuff right in my own back yard that I have yet to see/experience?

3. Why is it that being in a foreign country makes me feel more spontaneous/open to adventure being at home? Is it a matter of place, or is it a matter of mindset? (I think it's a 20/80 split respectively)

And here's some more mental vomit. I think the reason I'm so much more focused, career-oriented, less-spontaneous, more planned, more in the box, etc. back home in the States, is because I see everything in the states "mattering" in my "big life picture." I guess back home, I'm afraid to make a mis-step if you will. Back home I felt the need to make everything count. I guess in short, I was super focused on making sure that all of my actions somehow contributed to my career. For some reason, though being here in SoKo is contributing to my career, being here in SoKo feels tangential to my "at home" life, and thus it gives me the willingness to just follow my heart, do what I want to do, not worry about the big picture. It's almost like, the time here "doesn't count" in my "big picture" event though quite obviously EVERYTHING I do in life counts towards that end.

I guess my big take away is this. I'm feeling more spontaneous and less concerned about my "career" in the big picture sense because I am happy doing what I am doing. And surely I can have these same feeling back home, right? I think so. All I have to do is make sure I'm doing what I want to do.

So, when I get home (eventually), though I don't know specifically what I am going to do, I am going to choose something based on the same criteria I used to come to SoKo, and quite simply, that means I have to do something that excites me, intrigues me, and makes me feel a sense of newness and adventure. On top of it, back home I'm going to begin carrying my camera around a lot more (thanks mom for getting me that great little war-proof sony...I use it ALL the time), and I'm also getting a travel book for Denver.

I feel like life is too short to constantly be worrying about the big picture. I think life is like one of those dotist paintings. You know, the paintings that are made up of 1000's of tiny dots. I think if I just zoom way out to see the larger picture, I can miss the nuance of each and every dot. And, I also think that if I spend too much time only zooming in, I can get overwhelmed or burdened by some of the dots that have unattractive colors. So, I guess what I'm getting at is that I think it is all about balance. And I don't mean balance in the 50/50 sense, but balance in the sense of making sure I achieve the right amounts of both the zoomed in mindset and the zoomed out one. For me, I think it's about 80/20 zoomed in to zoomed out. I think as long as I'm enjoying what I'm doing right NOW, the sum total of my life experience, or the sum total of the dot painting will be one of pure joy and beauty.

So, to recap, I'm learning to focus more and more on the now, to be less concerned w/ the large picture (while still keeping so sense of it's formation), and overall just trying to continually engage in things that make me happy, excite me, intrigue me, and make me feel a sense of newness and adventure.

The more people I meet, the more I realize that day-to-day personal happiness is quite an accomplishment, and I'm also realizing that if I can't even accomplish that seemingly simple task, I'll have little to no chance of ever doing anything for others.

So, the conclusion I've reached just now, though being the same as countless other folks in the past, feels pretty new. I need to be happy with my own day-to-day personal existence BEFORE I can worry about the big picture, because again, the happier I am with the day to day, the less I have to worry about the big picture as it will necessarily and automatically be forming into one of happiness. In simpler terms, many many happy days all add up to a happy life.

Boo yah. That's it.

Brain barf: DONE